Well, I think I'm sort of using your time frame as a journal for myself too.  It's just that some days I need to write things down and just to get it out there.  You know I keep my own written journal but there are some nights that it's just to hard to write in it.  I cry every night.  The sadness in my heart is so immense, it's unbearable.  But one thing I needed to say how you always know I fight for you all the way, is that I got your story put onto America's Most Wanted webpage.  On the left hand side there is a link that says "My Story" and you are now featured there!  I told everyone I could think of I e-mailed eveyone, and put it on your myspace and on my myspace I made a Bulletin about it so everyone would know.  I still wait and wait for something to happen, someone to come forward anything, not understanding and not know why, it eats at me every day.  But I know one thing, for certain, it wasn't intended for you.  I know that's not much, but in a way it is.  It doesn't bring you home to me, but you were a good kid and no one would hurt you, because of you.  You had not reason to die this way, just an evil person or someone out there maybe after Dame, who knows, by why you?  You never hurt anyone, never hurt a fly, the sweetest, kindest kid ever!  I miss you it hurts so much!

Dearest sweetie, today is 7 months since some monster(s) took you away from me.  We all miss you and love you dearly.  I had a dream, I told Matt to be quiet or he would wake you up that you were sleeping on the sofa.  I woke up feeling you here, knowing that you were telling me you were ok.  I pray to Jesus all the time and ask him to watch over you and let you be our guardian angel.  I believe this, I believe you are here with me. Always in my hear and soul sweetie pie.   We'll find them, one day, they will pay for what they did.  You didn't deserve this you had so much to live for, so much.  You were a good kid, I want everyone to know what a great kid you were, how sweet and kind hearted.  How you always were so shy and handsome. With your goofy grin and blue eyes, how you laughed and even when it wasn't funny you got everyone else laughing too.  You were the best, my buddy.  My angel son, always and forever, until the end of time.

Happy Valentine's Day my sweet Baby Cakes.  Here I remember last year being in St. Christopher's Hospital.  We had that bad ice storm.  I remember how much pain you were in with your throat all swollen because your glands became all infected and we didn't know what was wrong and you hurt so bad.  Finally, because you were such an animal lover, they figured out that (yes this is true thing) had Cat Scratch Disease and your glands became abcessed.  So they had to admit you, and do surgery on your neck to drain everything out of it.  You were on morphine and I V antibiotics.  I remember that so well, like it was just yesterday.  But you were such a trooper and I stayed with you the whole time.  I remember you didn't want me to leave when you came back from surgery and you were so out of it I snuck out and my car had like an inch of ice on it and it took me forever to scrap off the ice, just so I could go home and get a shower and changed.   All this during Valentine's week.  Now these memories will stay with me forever because of the whole week itself filled with memories, the time frame, my mom's died on 2/10/85, 23 years already, then Aunt MeMe's birthday 2/12; then your anniversay of those monster's taking you way from me on the 13th; then Valentine's Day on the 14th.  It's a week full of so much, then of course we have your brother's birthday on 2/19!  I miss you more each day, everyone says it gets easier, but I can't feel the pain easing.  I feel that piece of my heart missing.  I don't know how many people who have lost their children and it's been years for them, how they made it as far as they did, without giving up, there are days I want to just give up.  but I know I can't, I have your brothers and my sisters, I know you wouldn't want me to give up either, but you were my buddy, and we did so much together.  My life is such a turmoil now. I sit at home when no one is there and cry, because just last year we had a house full of people, all your friends laughing and having fun, watching TV, going on the computer, playing the Xbox360, or just hanging out and talking.  How I used to complain about it all the time, and now I miss it, I miss the kids, I miss the noise, the mess LOL, I miss you so much, you brought me so much joy and love and laughter into my life and now it's all gone.  But I will cherish each of those memories forever, for eternity.  God Bless my Baby Angel on this bittersweet Valentine's Day.

Today is Timmy's oldest brothers 22 birthday.  Another event missed, so much heartache and pain.  I can't imagine going on years like this, I praise all the moms who have and are still hanging in there and fighting every day.  I just don't know how they do it.  I am trying so hard to get thru this, but you never really do.  The pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it and fake people out by saying you're ok.  But in your heart you know you're not ok.  I hate going to bed at night, as soon as I close my eyes, I start crying, every single night I close my eyes.  It doesn't matter how tired I am, I can lay there for a long time just crying because I just can't stand the pain anymore.  I just don't understand how this could happen, I just don't know why God would let these monster(s) on the street and get away with it.  Still no word on who or why, but does it matter????  It won't bring my baby back.  I just pray each day to God to help me thru it and be strong for my other boys and that they stay strong and let Timmy be our Guardian Angel and watch over us.   So Timmy, send a birthday message to your brother, whisper in his ear that you love him.

Well here we are again, the number 13, how unlucky it really has turned out to be, especially since they took you from me on a Friday the 13th.  8 months today and it feels like forever.  I miss you so much buddy, my baby angel.  I wish I could hold you one more time, and see your beautiful smile, your face, how much I wish.  We still have no news, there are nights I lay there and wish there was such a thing as a ghost whisperer so you could come to me and tell me who did this.  My baby, you didn't deserve this, you were so kind to everyone.  This person or person(s) are monsters, they belong in hell.  I do believe God will seek vengence, it's the only peace I can get in my heart right now.  Soon it will be St. Paddy's day and I know how much you were so proud to be Irish. You would have celebrated with your friends.  I know you know that two of your good friends got in trouble the other day, and it's not good.  I know if you were here you would have talked them out of it, I know in my heart you would have said don't be stupid dude, what's wrong with you, you dont' want to get into trouble.  But you weren't here to do that, now you have to watch over them from the Good Lord's house and keep an eye on them and keep them safe, take them under your wing and hold on tight, they need you now, especially Billy.  Your BF forever.  He's been always around, checking in on me, got me a big button of your face made along with a tag with your picture on it.  He wanted to help me hand out flyers and stuff when your anniversary comes up.  We're going to raise more funds for you baby, one way or the other we will get those monster(s), one way other the other they will pay, I pray each day they see your face every night before they close their eyes and have nightmares of what they did.  I seek no mercy on them, no, I just wish you were home here with me safe and sound.  I just don't know what to say anymore, but how my heart is in pieces and my life is never going to be the same because you were my life, you were my baby, my youngest, my buddy, my shadow.  Always in my heart, forever until the end of time.  Sweet dreams baby cakes, I love you unconditionally, forever and ever, until eternity.

I can't believe it's been 9 months since my baby was killed.  9 months, the length of time I carried him.  Now he is gone.  It's so hard to bare some days.  I cry all the time still.  The pain in my heart, when I think of him and how much I miss him.  There are still no words on who could have done this, I hope to God they find out soon.  This monster(s) just walking the street, enjoying his life, hugging his mother.  I don't have those big bear hugs anymore, and I miss them, I miss his laugh, his funny ways.  He was a good kid, why would this happen.  I just don't understand how life is anymore.  Just the pain and I'm trying so hard to keep going, for my family.   I was talking about some of the good memories we shared, going to the beach, on the boardwalk and the rides and how you loved going on the go-carts.  How going back to where we were staying, you'd walk the wall the whole way back.  Just laughing and talking and having a good time.  I'll never have those summers back, the laughter, the funny things you did, and most of all I miss those big hugs.  and the I love you mom, you're the best.  How much I miss, it's almost unbearable to think of.  My baby, I love you forever.

Another 13th, another month, now it is 11 months.  And to make it all seem worse, it is a Friday the 13th, just like the day the monster(s) took you from us.  Guess what else happened today, on Friday, 6/13/08, they laid out your headstone.  Yes I drove by there that morning and it wasn't there so I called them and the man said it was on the truck and they'd call me when it was done if it was done as it was scheduled for later in the day.  Well I didn't get a phone call but Wanda swore it would be there. So we went up there and there it was!  Amazing, and how nice it is and Joey put the words from Unconditional Love, he thought it up and I had them engrave that at the bottom.  Plus another strange thing, is the headstone behind yours with the back facing us, has the image of Jesus on it, and this happened on 2 separate pictures.  I know in my heart that was meant to be and for me to know He is looking after you.  How much you are loved my sweet angel.  How much you are missed, forever!  Eternal love lasts forever Timmy and my love for you is eternal.  God is watching and I know you are too, you are our guardian angel and keep us safe.  I know you are here, I feel you with me all the time.  I can hear your voice and feel the strength of your love.  I will never give up Tim, never we will find out who did this. One day justice will be served, and I'll never stop until we meet again.  Always in my heart, forever.  Not a day goes by I don't see your face, your smile, your laughter and how much I miss it.  You are so special to me and no one can ever take that away.  Good night baby cakes, don't stay up late, love ya.